I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
