I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
