I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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