i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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