Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
