Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
