I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
