2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
