Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
