Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
