1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
