I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
