I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
