have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
