i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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