Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
