Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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