That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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