Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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