sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
