I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
