I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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