Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
