He felt like a one man threesome
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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