oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
