Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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