There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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