Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize