don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
