I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
