do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
