yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
