I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so let's talk penis.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
