I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
