I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
