Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
