But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
