Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
