Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
