1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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