She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
