No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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