so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
