No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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