So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
