yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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