benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
