do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
