I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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