remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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