420 ftw
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
