who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
