I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
