About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize