yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
