I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
