I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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