Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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