I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
