32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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