Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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