it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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