You're my little dorito
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
