I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
