I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
