A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
