love makes seman taste better
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
