Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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