yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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