roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
