I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
