You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
