I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
